Reconnecting

The past week my family and i have been in the midst of a massive move, massive not in terms of distance since it is still within New Jersey, but more so in terms of quantity and the emotional uprisings that going through decades of letters, journals, and memories of the past can stir up.

Among the many things that I came across in my purging was a journal from several years ago when I was a young tike in my early 20's single and engaged in my quest to know myself. I was passionate, intense, and raw in my poetry untainted by the seeming obligations and possible pressures of relationships and other more "real world" responsibilities. Years later, after having gone through various twists and turns moments where in some ways I had to lose myself to find myself, I reach that state again, single engaged and raw. As I reconnect with my essence "my who'ness" as a friend would put it, being more and more grounded within my "self", as I read these once written expressions, they again provide a pathway to help me connect with my muse.

In the tradition I grew up in there a deep respect for "The Great Mother" as creative feminine force in nature often associated with creative, generative process - the arts, knowledge, self realization, etc - and so love is in this case becomes and experience of connection - eros, the feeling of being "in the moment" when you look out a watch a bird tweet it's way along with sipping the soothing drops from a cup of tea in the morning, or when you have conversations with your inner circle where you're all on the same wavelength and everyone is perfect just the way they are, or when you look into your lover's eyes in deep appreciation for each other's being-ness loving loving.

The following are two such short pieces. They talk a lot about a deep yearning and longing. For me, one of the deepest sources of joy is meeting people who share a similar passion, intensity for their work and own creative processes. Somewhere along the way in the past several years, I found myself deep in the trenches of internalized "should do's", "need to's", and "have to's", and now while that I have value for those, they exist inside a larger context of creativity, self discovery, and resonating with fellow "passionates".

Home Again

Please take me back home
Back to the alien world I came from
Where I can once again be happy
and content
Where I can sit watching the sky
and give a satisfied sigh
Thinking all the while
"I finally know".

Please take me back to the land of kings
where there are no strings,
obligations attached to people and things
Where I can once again see and feel the pulsation of life
all around me
The birds, the grass, the trees
Where I can be free from the illusions
of my dillusion based perceptions
All all around I see there are only
living perfections
Where everything is right
harmoniously in its own place.
Where things are never said
but sensitivity felt and understood

Please take me back to this land of harmony
where I belong
And The Mother sings her melodious song
Lulling me in her arms
While I enter a deep sleep ecstasy.


Another caveat:
I am a beggar for love
A pan-handler for passion
Swimming in the sea of ecstasy
Flying in the winds of infinity
As my being pours over me
Feet below, gaze above