It's a funny thing about expectations and reflections ...
I once read,
"That one's perception of the world is a direct reflection of one's perception of one's self."
I've lately been trying to watch how many times throughout the day, I find myself projecting on someone or any particular situation a notion of "should" or "have to". That he "should" feel this way, or this situation "shouldn't" be the way that it is right now. I'm beginning to see how the moment I'm projecting that, that's the very moment that disconnected from being present to that individual and their experience ... or the experience of this particular moment.
The more I'm resisting what's currently happening, ironically what's currently happening tends to magnify or escalate. The moment, I'm equanimous about the current situation and noticing when expectations come up and when I begin projecting, that's the very moment that something totally new - a new relationship with the present moment becomes available. It is in that very moment, I realize choice and what "choice" really is. The moment I'm actively choosing the present moment or being in the present moment, vs. projecting expectations or even being resigned about it - it is in that very moment that I am creatively connected.
It's truly incredible to notice how much of my energy is spend engaged in how people and situations should or shouldn't be. Observing more and more and bringing myself back to the current moment, the more I realize that time is actually moving a bit slower. That I'm able to enjoy each and every moment and however way anyone or anything is is simply perfect. This active engagement is not to be confused with apathy or indifference nor does it mean that one shouldn't have goals or have results they want to produce. Rather, utilizing the experience of equanimity becomes an incredibly powerful access in moving things forward because thoughts, feelings, intentions, even actions become incredibly clear and targetted ...
Interesting :-) ...
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Back in Jersey
So I'm back in Jersey for the first long extended stay since December.....
It's interesting, while things haven't changed much, I know that I've changed a tremendous amount. In these past 7 months, riding literally a roller coaster ride, there have been some incredible lessons learned. Lessons in autonomy, in trust, in faith, in friendship and on a more functional note, lessons in management, leadership, and humility.
Let's re-wind and re-cap:
- End of Jan: I attended a YJA Board meeting not only where I met new members of the local Chicago Convention Committee who we'd be working with to put on the 2008 YJA Convention, but also my partner and girl friend. I met her at probably one of the most prolific junctures in my life - a time when I had moved across the coast endeavoring "to find myself" - or more so see where my internal faith and strength would take me. While I was set on not being in a long distance rel'ship, her heart and soul were simply too beautiful for me to pass up on....
At the same time, I had started the first trimester of my co-hort and was staying with my best friend, Mike....trying to get situated - a stranger in a strange land trying to grow some roots.
- The end of Feb: This marked yet another major transition. Upon returning to SF from the YJA Winter Retreat in the Poconos, I found myself moving to a room in a cabin in a Healing and Wellness Center in the Santa Cruz mountains, about 2 and a half hours outside of San Francisco. Committed to live in a place of spiritual nourishment, I moved in with a roommate who was ardent in not having a roommate. However, after nearly 6 hours of conversations, we realized we were on the same wavelength in terms of how we wanted to evolved and deeply felt a familiarity and a connection, as well as a comfort in knowing that we could help each other in evolving.
It just so happened that the plans for the Marshall Creek Center went through its growing stages as well. Any center not founded on principles of integrity and honesty tends to finds it's way onto the detours of what its inhabitants need in order to grow and evolve. As the seasons changed, so did the intention of Marshall Creek. As financial tolls added up, a place which was once intended to be a Center for Community and Co-creation, found itself switching gears to become more of a space to be rented for healers and therapists to bring their clients to.
I realize even in my own life, how it is much easier to paint a rosy picture of how things are on the outside, when deep inside there could be a storm brewing - a war between the primordial forces of the self tugging the soul in opposing directions. When the forces of power, control, and denial get so strong that it takes up the space which was otherwise meant for love, partnership, and honesty. The funny thing is, is that while one can easily view these shifts and turn from the lens of right/wrong, good/bad ... it is the mature self that realizes that things need to naturally take their course in order to expand and outgrow the paradigms inside of which things once exist. We all karmic relationships to fulfill - just a person meets another for the first time and yet feels a long time connection for lifetimes prior.
And so in three to four short months Marshall Creek was to undergo it's own metastasis, as the people who created it and those who were brought to it.
- fast forward to the end of May: Sensing these subtle yet incredibly powerful shifts, I realized that my journey was to now take another turn out of Marshall Creek. It was time to take this cultivated internal solitude and bring it outward to the other end of the spectrum - to San Francisco. I had spoken to a few people at the hostel I had frequently stayed in about the opportunity to work and live at USA Hostels. I soon found myself moving out of Ben Lomond (where Marshall Creek is) into the heart of San Francisco.
Sensory overload. Having gone from a cabin in the woods connected with nature - the trees, the creek, and the gentle forces surrounding it into an environment of over stimulation and conflicting forces, I found it difficult to cope with. It was a constant process of completing things within myself, switching gears from managing my f/t job at American Access Care, working the graveyard shift at the hostel, helping to plan the YJA 2008 Convention, staying in touch with my other business commitments, and moving a long distance relationship forward. Weeks were moving by as fast as days, and days as fast as hours. Being so in the world of "doing" things and meeting deadlines, it became an extreme challenge continuing to be grounded in the "being" of who I was. After all we're human beings, not human doings....
- end of June: The YJA Convention - the endeavor which had monopolized my time for the past 12 months was now only a few short days away. The countless hours of conference calls, of planning, of negotiating, establishing the foundation of a powerful context, confirming meaningful, enigmatic speakers, and creating sessions with a team of extra-ordinary human beings - aligned with one commitment, finally came to fruition.
Soon after, I came back home to Jersey to spend time with my family. Reconnecting with friends, and at the edge of yet another transition. Coming back to a family situation which hadn't progressed much and a father who's health was ailing, I realized that it was prudent to take a semester off and come back home. Yet another crossroads.....on one hand, the city that I had grown to love and which had fueled my spirit and kindred friends who were fellow seekers and on the other, family responsibilities which beckoned my return, I had to make a choice.
- The present: After a month of traveling, b/w Chicago, NJ, Omaha, Chicago, back to NJ, i'm now back at home, centered, regrouped, and ready for the next 4 mos. of intense work ahead. Between studying for the GMATs, managing work, and www.thebabyshowerstore.com, it's time to switch gears yet again.
One of the major things I want to make sure I incorporate this time around is my connection with my creative muses. While I was cleaning the basement the other day, I came across my old journals. I flipped through pages of thoughts from 2000-2003, flipping through pages of dreams, experiences, and poetry I had written, I realized the passion with which I was searching, yearning to find out "Who I am". In the quietness, falling still in the depths of my mind, I realized the importance of that internal dialogue - the value of taking some time to reflect and express the rawness of my feelings and emotions as they came up and found their voice in lyrical rhyme filling empty pages with creativity.
In the end, everywhere you go, there you are....your dreams, your visions, your fears. So often, we want to distract ourselves from the conversations within with external stimuli, be it TV, etc., that we get wrapped up in the cacoon of our own cacaphony, caught in the web of our construction, that the internal voice - our voice gets softer and softer until one day we forget what it is that we really came here for....
Once again not say that any of those things are "bad" or even deterents, but it's about balance. What a blessing it is when you find kindred spirits who are engaged in the personal inquiry of the self, of one's identity, of one's purpose and manifesting it! Be it God, a higher power, the big "S" in Self, there are paradigms and worlds of experience and articulation that we as human beings are capable of. There are realms, which exist outside of the five senses, we can tap into and faculties waiting to be developed which bring the "being" of human being to greater heights. Being back in this place of stillness of presence, I look forward to seeping the roots of who I am even deeper in the human experience .....
There is much to celebrate and much to create...the more we resonate, the more fun it becomes!
With love,
parth
It's interesting, while things haven't changed much, I know that I've changed a tremendous amount. In these past 7 months, riding literally a roller coaster ride, there have been some incredible lessons learned. Lessons in autonomy, in trust, in faith, in friendship and on a more functional note, lessons in management, leadership, and humility.
Let's re-wind and re-cap:
- End of Jan: I attended a YJA Board meeting not only where I met new members of the local Chicago Convention Committee who we'd be working with to put on the 2008 YJA Convention, but also my partner and girl friend. I met her at probably one of the most prolific junctures in my life - a time when I had moved across the coast endeavoring "to find myself" - or more so see where my internal faith and strength would take me. While I was set on not being in a long distance rel'ship, her heart and soul were simply too beautiful for me to pass up on....
At the same time, I had started the first trimester of my co-hort and was staying with my best friend, Mike....trying to get situated - a stranger in a strange land trying to grow some roots.
- The end of Feb: This marked yet another major transition. Upon returning to SF from the YJA Winter Retreat in the Poconos, I found myself moving to a room in a cabin in a Healing and Wellness Center in the Santa Cruz mountains, about 2 and a half hours outside of San Francisco. Committed to live in a place of spiritual nourishment, I moved in with a roommate who was ardent in not having a roommate. However, after nearly 6 hours of conversations, we realized we were on the same wavelength in terms of how we wanted to evolved and deeply felt a familiarity and a connection, as well as a comfort in knowing that we could help each other in evolving.
It just so happened that the plans for the Marshall Creek Center went through its growing stages as well. Any center not founded on principles of integrity and honesty tends to finds it's way onto the detours of what its inhabitants need in order to grow and evolve. As the seasons changed, so did the intention of Marshall Creek. As financial tolls added up, a place which was once intended to be a Center for Community and Co-creation, found itself switching gears to become more of a space to be rented for healers and therapists to bring their clients to.
I realize even in my own life, how it is much easier to paint a rosy picture of how things are on the outside, when deep inside there could be a storm brewing - a war between the primordial forces of the self tugging the soul in opposing directions. When the forces of power, control, and denial get so strong that it takes up the space which was otherwise meant for love, partnership, and honesty. The funny thing is, is that while one can easily view these shifts and turn from the lens of right/wrong, good/bad ... it is the mature self that realizes that things need to naturally take their course in order to expand and outgrow the paradigms inside of which things once exist. We all karmic relationships to fulfill - just a person meets another for the first time and yet feels a long time connection for lifetimes prior.
And so in three to four short months Marshall Creek was to undergo it's own metastasis, as the people who created it and those who were brought to it.
- fast forward to the end of May: Sensing these subtle yet incredibly powerful shifts, I realized that my journey was to now take another turn out of Marshall Creek. It was time to take this cultivated internal solitude and bring it outward to the other end of the spectrum - to San Francisco. I had spoken to a few people at the hostel I had frequently stayed in about the opportunity to work and live at USA Hostels. I soon found myself moving out of Ben Lomond (where Marshall Creek is) into the heart of San Francisco.
Sensory overload. Having gone from a cabin in the woods connected with nature - the trees, the creek, and the gentle forces surrounding it into an environment of over stimulation and conflicting forces, I found it difficult to cope with. It was a constant process of completing things within myself, switching gears from managing my f/t job at American Access Care, working the graveyard shift at the hostel, helping to plan the YJA 2008 Convention, staying in touch with my other business commitments, and moving a long distance relationship forward. Weeks were moving by as fast as days, and days as fast as hours. Being so in the world of "doing" things and meeting deadlines, it became an extreme challenge continuing to be grounded in the "being" of who I was. After all we're human beings, not human doings....
- end of June: The YJA Convention - the endeavor which had monopolized my time for the past 12 months was now only a few short days away. The countless hours of conference calls, of planning, of negotiating, establishing the foundation of a powerful context, confirming meaningful, enigmatic speakers, and creating sessions with a team of extra-ordinary human beings - aligned with one commitment, finally came to fruition.
Soon after, I came back home to Jersey to spend time with my family. Reconnecting with friends, and at the edge of yet another transition. Coming back to a family situation which hadn't progressed much and a father who's health was ailing, I realized that it was prudent to take a semester off and come back home. Yet another crossroads.....on one hand, the city that I had grown to love and which had fueled my spirit and kindred friends who were fellow seekers and on the other, family responsibilities which beckoned my return, I had to make a choice.
- The present: After a month of traveling, b/w Chicago, NJ, Omaha, Chicago, back to NJ, i'm now back at home, centered, regrouped, and ready for the next 4 mos. of intense work ahead. Between studying for the GMATs, managing work, and www.thebabyshowerstore.com, it's time to switch gears yet again.
One of the major things I want to make sure I incorporate this time around is my connection with my creative muses. While I was cleaning the basement the other day, I came across my old journals. I flipped through pages of thoughts from 2000-2003, flipping through pages of dreams, experiences, and poetry I had written, I realized the passion with which I was searching, yearning to find out "Who I am". In the quietness, falling still in the depths of my mind, I realized the importance of that internal dialogue - the value of taking some time to reflect and express the rawness of my feelings and emotions as they came up and found their voice in lyrical rhyme filling empty pages with creativity.
In the end, everywhere you go, there you are....your dreams, your visions, your fears. So often, we want to distract ourselves from the conversations within with external stimuli, be it TV, etc., that we get wrapped up in the cacoon of our own cacaphony, caught in the web of our construction, that the internal voice - our voice gets softer and softer until one day we forget what it is that we really came here for....
Once again not say that any of those things are "bad" or even deterents, but it's about balance. What a blessing it is when you find kindred spirits who are engaged in the personal inquiry of the self, of one's identity, of one's purpose and manifesting it! Be it God, a higher power, the big "S" in Self, there are paradigms and worlds of experience and articulation that we as human beings are capable of. There are realms, which exist outside of the five senses, we can tap into and faculties waiting to be developed which bring the "being" of human being to greater heights. Being back in this place of stillness of presence, I look forward to seeping the roots of who I am even deeper in the human experience .....
There is much to celebrate and much to create...the more we resonate, the more fun it becomes!
With love,
parth
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