2 mos. till I go out to San Fran. I'm excited, I'm in anticipation....and I'm sad at the same time. For the past 2 mos., I've been focused on putting everything in motion needed to ensure that my move out there is a smooth one, finances, family, friends. But there was one thing that I hadn't fully let myself be with until just a few days ago .... and that's how much I'm going to miss you New Jersey. How much I'm going to miss all my friends, all my family, all the scores of people who have touched my life and who's lives I've touched. I know, sometimes it's hard being the sentimental dork that I am, but I can't help it....
These past 2 mos., however, rather than letting myself just be with the emotions that having been coming up and sharing them, I've been kicking it into Superman mode, more engrossed in doing, doing, doing as a way to not deal with the emotionality of leaving ... Here's how it's gone in the past, I make friends, form bonds, then I move, I call, I call, people call, I call, I call, people call, I stop calling, people stop calling and whoof, they're all gone and I'm left having to start all over again .... I was about to let it happen again.
Well, by not about to let it happen again, I was fueling the fire of it happening. The very experience of being withdrawn, isolated, and not in communication was happening by me not being authentic about what was really there...and, not to mention, the experience I was leaving others with.
I was on a conf. call with my fellow introduction leaders last Sat. and I couldn't help but let it all out .... through the tears, I expressed how much I'm going to miss it all and how big the hole in my heart really feels...i cried, they listened. I released it all. "Thank you" for getting us present to your world Parth, and you get it doesn't have to be this way ... use this as an opportunity to get your conversation of abandonment complete....use this as an opportunity to free yourself up, restore your power, and choose how you want to be about this.....
Tears stopped. "Thank you for letting us in. For letting us into your experience."
"Thank you"
Having expressed all that, I feel as though this weight has been lifted and I'm back to being me...back to being the connected, related, engaged Parth I and others know me to be .... thank you. I have gotten more done in the past 5 days, than I have in the past 2 wks....
Sometimes the hardest conversations to have are the ones needed to have, and it's surprising how gentle they can be. No matter what they say ... people are kind and caring creatures who want nothing but to love and be loved in return. How long will be go before we all get that??
