It's Sat. morning,
Sitting at the "Cable Car" coffee place on Market St. by the train station, making pigeon noise back at the pigeons, dumping out the crumbs from my bagel, scurrying along as I wait for Pearl Paints to open in about 20 mins.
Enjoying watching people walk by as much as the April Nectar tea I'm sipping. I'm noticing this animated older fellow, saying "Hi" to everyone, shaking his coffee cup in hopes for come change in return for a smile or a warm "hello".
My mind is so funny, I'm noticing all the thoughts of judgment whizzing by, the thoughts of wanting to give advice. Noticing all these suggestions I'd be so quick to give. Like, I know what would be good for him. It's just so funny to me - thinking "I know". What do I know know?
The only thing I really know is how to know, haha. To use what I know in order to know more. What would it be like to know how to "not know"? To realize when "I know", that that "knowing" is really fallible in the overall design of what there is to know, of all the "knowing" that's out there - creating meaning from thought to identification, to assessment to judgment jumps my monkey mind.
To know that that "knowing" my only be useful in that moemtn and let it go the next. To know nothing, to be empty - aahh - bliss.
...At the moment, I feel content simply sipping on this African Nectar and laughing to me myself :-).
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Perspective
To think ... we (as in the States) are less than 250 yrs. old (as of 1776) ...
Australia is about what 400 yrs. old.......
Brazil, even older....
India, even older than that....
yet when the States sneezes, everyone else runs to grab a tissue, and the nearest antihistamine....
It's very important to understand one's place in the context of the world, in the context of history, in the context of the evolution of the human psyche and the contribution of that ....
The need to succeed, what success is measured by, who "am I" in relation to the struggle for that success....contextualizing these things are important if one is REALLY interested in finding one's place in the overall scheme of things ....
There's a difference between spirituality (the ability to connect to the spirit and find its expression) and religion (which is often intertwined with a warped power dynamic and structures created for some to maintain a sense of control and power).
In English, we have the verb "is" ... I am 26 yrs. old, I am a male, I am Parth .... while in Spanish there are two very different and distinct verbs for "is". One that connotes a temporary form (I am happy) and another that connotes a more permanent sense (she IS my mother). In the languaging of age, the actual transliteration of "I am 26 yrs. old" is "I have 26 yrs.". While this may seem like an incredibly simple distinction, the implications are quite profound .... it formulates the very basis of Identity inside of language and the way we formulate and articulate our observations of the world around us.
Inherent in "I am 26 yrs. old" there is an association and identification with the body, whereas in "I have 26r yrs.", there is "I" who simply has 26 yrs. old (based on the body that I have), the "I" is beyond the physical form.
Linguistically, English is a linear language, where one word can have what, 2 maybe 3 different meanings, whereas in a more conceptual language (like Sanskrit or Chinese), one word can be a plethora of meanings depending on the context of the sentence (which is reflective of the depth of it's world view).
In Aramaic, the language contemporary to Jesus Christ, the term "Abwun" was used meaning "the origin of my existence" whereas in the Latin translation, it became "father" ... what a shift from an egalitarian perspective to that of a more patriarchal homogenization of that originating phenomenon. Beginning to inquire into the context of things doesn't package our lives into neat little boxes, but rather blows the top off of what we thought we knew. I'm not saying that everything I'm saying is 100% accurate, I make no such claims, but rather highlight the importance of being engaged in the inquiry of understanding the construction of those mechanisms we hold so near and dear, of those mechanisms that have created the pedagogies that we've been fed ever since we knew how to rationalize and articulate our existence as individuals.
To question these are to question the very things that "the powers to be" have deemed to be "the right way" .... to question these are to fly in the face of authority .... the key, however, is to engage in this inquiry in a respectful way. If we can understand the value of established conventions while inquiring into their limitations, we can actually get present to the best of all of these modes of rationalizing our existence and our place within it. It is in this space that wisdom arises, very different from knowledge.
To be interested in how to form "community", (etymologically, "a common ownership - http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=community), let alone a global community - the question now becomes, what are some platforms or underlying currents which would speak to a sense of globality? What are the actual underlying values/experiences of what it is to be human? This would of course take quite an exploration - some have certainly taken ground in this - Joseph Campbell, being one of them and I'm sure a plethora of others who have taken a look at the underlying threads which run beneath various culture's myths, stories, and articulations of experience.
Loaded, I know....it's interesting though isn't it? That as our "context" changes, our experience of ourselves as "content" within it begins to shift....this is what's meant by "critical analysis" and thereby begins the process of awakening ...
Australia is about what 400 yrs. old.......
Brazil, even older....
India, even older than that....
yet when the States sneezes, everyone else runs to grab a tissue, and the nearest antihistamine....
It's very important to understand one's place in the context of the world, in the context of history, in the context of the evolution of the human psyche and the contribution of that ....
The need to succeed, what success is measured by, who "am I" in relation to the struggle for that success....contextualizing these things are important if one is REALLY interested in finding one's place in the overall scheme of things ....
There's a difference between spirituality (the ability to connect to the spirit and find its expression) and religion (which is often intertwined with a warped power dynamic and structures created for some to maintain a sense of control and power).
In English, we have the verb "is" ... I am 26 yrs. old, I am a male, I am Parth .... while in Spanish there are two very different and distinct verbs for "is". One that connotes a temporary form (I am happy) and another that connotes a more permanent sense (she IS my mother). In the languaging of age, the actual transliteration of "I am 26 yrs. old" is "I have 26 yrs.". While this may seem like an incredibly simple distinction, the implications are quite profound .... it formulates the very basis of Identity inside of language and the way we formulate and articulate our observations of the world around us.
Inherent in "I am 26 yrs. old" there is an association and identification with the body, whereas in "I have 26r yrs.", there is "I" who simply has 26 yrs. old (based on the body that I have), the "I" is beyond the physical form.
Linguistically, English is a linear language, where one word can have what, 2 maybe 3 different meanings, whereas in a more conceptual language (like Sanskrit or Chinese), one word can be a plethora of meanings depending on the context of the sentence (which is reflective of the depth of it's world view).
In Aramaic, the language contemporary to Jesus Christ, the term "Abwun" was used meaning "the origin of my existence" whereas in the Latin translation, it became "father" ... what a shift from an egalitarian perspective to that of a more patriarchal homogenization of that originating phenomenon. Beginning to inquire into the context of things doesn't package our lives into neat little boxes, but rather blows the top off of what we thought we knew. I'm not saying that everything I'm saying is 100% accurate, I make no such claims, but rather highlight the importance of being engaged in the inquiry of understanding the construction of those mechanisms we hold so near and dear, of those mechanisms that have created the pedagogies that we've been fed ever since we knew how to rationalize and articulate our existence as individuals.
To question these are to question the very things that "the powers to be" have deemed to be "the right way" .... to question these are to fly in the face of authority .... the key, however, is to engage in this inquiry in a respectful way. If we can understand the value of established conventions while inquiring into their limitations, we can actually get present to the best of all of these modes of rationalizing our existence and our place within it. It is in this space that wisdom arises, very different from knowledge.
To be interested in how to form "community", (etymologically, "a common ownership - http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=community), let alone a global community - the question now becomes, what are some platforms or underlying currents which would speak to a sense of globality? What are the actual underlying values/experiences of what it is to be human? This would of course take quite an exploration - some have certainly taken ground in this - Joseph Campbell, being one of them and I'm sure a plethora of others who have taken a look at the underlying threads which run beneath various culture's myths, stories, and articulations of experience.
Loaded, I know....it's interesting though isn't it? That as our "context" changes, our experience of ourselves as "content" within it begins to shift....this is what's meant by "critical analysis" and thereby begins the process of awakening ...
Monday, April 7, 2008
Simple Pleasures
Human Beings ... not Human Doings .... it's all about perspective. Just like THAT, a conversation, a comment, a connection can create those AHA moments that brings the present moment into focus and the significant charge of all those running emotions get released.
Had a great conversation with one of the guys I'm staying at the Hostels with this weekend (by "the Hostel", I'm referring to the USAHostel loc in San Francisco - http://www.usahostels.com/sanfrancisco/index.html). How'd I end up at the hostel again? Had some business in SF, so rather than doing the public transport for 2 hours, I figured since I was in SF for the weekend, might as well relish in the energy and new friends of the Hostel - for $26/night including all the good stuff on their website, one just can't go wrong.
Anyhow, had a great conversation with Julian (a 37yr. old former professional soccer player) earlier about the value of supporting each other as we navigate our way to finding a sense of purpose. People have such potential and possibility, but often get skewed due to our circumstances .... once behind on life management stuff or any other accountabilities, there's definitely a greater propensity to get stressed and frustrated - to succumb to the overwhelm and be left broken more than being made. The latter is typically a post disaster reflection (hopefully not). Most of us profoundly shift due to desperation over inspiration. To be standing and moving forward due to inspiration, it's so important to reach out to each other and support each other while giving space to our pasts and what's being experienced in the present. We've all made mistakes, we've all made blunders in the past, hurt people, been dishonest, been adamant, cut someone off in the pursuit of being right, etc .... and it's just what happened - past tense.
Right now, we're in "what's happening", what will you create now?
Had a great conversation with one of the guys I'm staying at the Hostels with this weekend (by "the Hostel", I'm referring to the USAHostel loc in San Francisco - http://www.usahostels.com/sanfrancisco/index.html). How'd I end up at the hostel again? Had some business in SF, so rather than doing the public transport for 2 hours, I figured since I was in SF for the weekend, might as well relish in the energy and new friends of the Hostel - for $26/night including all the good stuff on their website, one just can't go wrong.
Anyhow, had a great conversation with Julian (a 37yr. old former professional soccer player) earlier about the value of supporting each other as we navigate our way to finding a sense of purpose. People have such potential and possibility, but often get skewed due to our circumstances .... once behind on life management stuff or any other accountabilities, there's definitely a greater propensity to get stressed and frustrated - to succumb to the overwhelm and be left broken more than being made. The latter is typically a post disaster reflection (hopefully not). Most of us profoundly shift due to desperation over inspiration. To be standing and moving forward due to inspiration, it's so important to reach out to each other and support each other while giving space to our pasts and what's being experienced in the present. We've all made mistakes, we've all made blunders in the past, hurt people, been dishonest, been adamant, cut someone off in the pursuit of being right, etc .... and it's just what happened - past tense.
Right now, we're in "what's happening", what will you create now?
Saturday, March 22, 2008
In the Friend's list
Oops, I of course forgot some key people:
Amit, Nirav, Chirag, and the YJA team,
Mike (my milk chocolately brother) and Vipul
And my special someone ... you know who you are :).
Amit, Nirav, Chirag, and the YJA team,
Mike (my milk chocolately brother) and Vipul
And my special someone ... you know who you are :).
Gratitude in stillness
So as I sit here, laying in bed, at the foot of which is Annie, all sprawled out dreaming in her little cat world, I find myself reflecting.....Reflecting on the past few days since our Spring Equinox event...reflecting on the conversations that have unfolded with April, Maja, and present to my own internal dialogue.
Thinking about what is my life really about? "Play a game that's worthy of your life," said a coach once. "Play until you have you nothing left, go out swinging, be authentic, and if you make a mess, clean it up, and ultimately realize that in the end, it doesn't really mean anything. People play games because of the "play", because the outcome was worth going through the process for. Ultimately, it doesn't mean anything. And it doesn't mean anything that it doesn't mean anything. You play that game because you wanted to and it was the expression of your 'self'".
That game, of course, can be metaphorically extended outside the conventional football, basketball, or rugby to the purpose of one's life. It really hit me the other day the reality of things. That after I die, people will shed a few tears, kick dirt on the body they knew of as Parth or let the pyre burn that body, and probably part and get on with their lives. Ultimately, what does "Parth" really mean? While one some level, people will remember me as the personality that I was, more so it will be what I made my life be about. As with each of us, that will be what will live long past we're physically gone. It will be the love we brought, the ways in which we contributed to another, the ways we fought through those battles within ourselves for something that we believed in, the way we listened to someone in those moments that no one else would. It won't be what we achieved, but we fought through to achieve it, and the way in which we gave it away.
It's interesting, while we're all here at Marshall Creek Center, working ... working on ourselves - finding that balance and creating space for the deep, repressed stuff to come out, undergoing major tiny shifts - working on the extension of that through the creation of this community, centered around creating a space for others to come to place where they can engage in the conversations they may not get anywhere else. We all realize, that while we're working through the process of building this - the process of financing such a place in the middle of the Santa Cruz Mountains, of working on the physical construction of various parts, taking ownership of areas that call to us - be it a community clean up, hosting unique events and workshops, facilitating women's and men's circles, the list goes on.....that ultimately, we're all stewards of an intention that has lived long before us, that is carried forth by many today, and that will live long after us...
The intention of service to humanity, standing for people to get they there whole and complete; that they have everything they need to have anything they want and that there may simply be internal barriers in the way of one achieving that. That each being is beautiful and divine full of strength, power, and ability beyond cognition. The intention to empower (to remind of the power within - em- being synonymous with en- (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=en-). Why would we do such a thing? I suppose each of us has our own reasons for why we would engage in such a process. For me it's because there's no other game I'd rather play. I guess when you realize how rich and fulfilling life can be, why not do everything to share that with others - or more so, since that's possible for everyone, why not stand in reminding folks what's really possible?
I was talking with Maja this afternoon and she was telling how unconventional it was for someone like me to be living in the woods, being committed both feet in, to be willing to be in the creation of this community, as well as standing for what's possible in the Jain community through YJA ... in that moment, I was present to all of my teachers, my dad for opening the doors to me about the dimensions that exist in non-ordinary reality, my mom who's taught me value of love and laughter, to those who taught me about roots - Mahendra Uncle, Vandana Auntie, and countless other teachers , to my friends - Janet, Vinit, Shibz, Priti, Sheetal, Ruchik (ah, the limitations of language, here succession doesn't mean order of importance)...the list goes on, to my coaches - Ken, Maureen, Shawn, countless others, and to those who affect my life everyday- Maja, Annie, April, Steve, Gillian and others. and those who continue to teach me every day, making to present to the fact that in the end, I don't really matter, I'm merely a tool for an intention that I can choose to own. Thank you.
I am so incredibly blessed.
Thinking about what is my life really about? "Play a game that's worthy of your life," said a coach once. "Play until you have you nothing left, go out swinging, be authentic, and if you make a mess, clean it up, and ultimately realize that in the end, it doesn't really mean anything. People play games because of the "play", because the outcome was worth going through the process for. Ultimately, it doesn't mean anything. And it doesn't mean anything that it doesn't mean anything. You play that game because you wanted to and it was the expression of your 'self'".
That game, of course, can be metaphorically extended outside the conventional football, basketball, or rugby to the purpose of one's life. It really hit me the other day the reality of things. That after I die, people will shed a few tears, kick dirt on the body they knew of as Parth or let the pyre burn that body, and probably part and get on with their lives. Ultimately, what does "Parth" really mean? While one some level, people will remember me as the personality that I was, more so it will be what I made my life be about. As with each of us, that will be what will live long past we're physically gone. It will be the love we brought, the ways in which we contributed to another, the ways we fought through those battles within ourselves for something that we believed in, the way we listened to someone in those moments that no one else would. It won't be what we achieved, but we fought through to achieve it, and the way in which we gave it away.
It's interesting, while we're all here at Marshall Creek Center, working ... working on ourselves - finding that balance and creating space for the deep, repressed stuff to come out, undergoing major tiny shifts - working on the extension of that through the creation of this community, centered around creating a space for others to come to place where they can engage in the conversations they may not get anywhere else. We all realize, that while we're working through the process of building this - the process of financing such a place in the middle of the Santa Cruz Mountains, of working on the physical construction of various parts, taking ownership of areas that call to us - be it a community clean up, hosting unique events and workshops, facilitating women's and men's circles, the list goes on.....that ultimately, we're all stewards of an intention that has lived long before us, that is carried forth by many today, and that will live long after us...
The intention of service to humanity, standing for people to get they there whole and complete; that they have everything they need to have anything they want and that there may simply be internal barriers in the way of one achieving that. That each being is beautiful and divine full of strength, power, and ability beyond cognition. The intention to empower (to remind of the power within - em- being synonymous with en- (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=en-). Why would we do such a thing? I suppose each of us has our own reasons for why we would engage in such a process. For me it's because there's no other game I'd rather play. I guess when you realize how rich and fulfilling life can be, why not do everything to share that with others - or more so, since that's possible for everyone, why not stand in reminding folks what's really possible?
I was talking with Maja this afternoon and she was telling how unconventional it was for someone like me to be living in the woods, being committed both feet in, to be willing to be in the creation of this community, as well as standing for what's possible in the Jain community through YJA ... in that moment, I was present to all of my teachers, my dad for opening the doors to me about the dimensions that exist in non-ordinary reality, my mom who's taught me value of love and laughter, to those who taught me about roots - Mahendra Uncle, Vandana Auntie, and countless other teachers , to my friends - Janet, Vinit, Shibz, Priti, Sheetal, Ruchik (ah, the limitations of language, here succession doesn't mean order of importance)...the list goes on, to my coaches - Ken, Maureen, Shawn, countless others, and to those who affect my life everyday- Maja, Annie, April, Steve, Gillian and others. and those who continue to teach me every day, making to present to the fact that in the end, I don't really matter, I'm merely a tool for an intention that I can choose to own. Thank you.
I am so incredibly blessed.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Spring Equinox at Marshall Creek Center
Last night marked the end of an old season and the beginning of a new one. At the Marshall Creek Center, we held a Spring Equinox Ceremony (I guess is the closest word for it). It was the first experience of this kind for me, so I found myself initially easing my way into "feeling" and being with what the event was about.Spring equinox to me signified the end of winter and the beginning of spring - a season that signifies a rebirth of sorts, a time of growing anew, and new beginnings. This of course doesn't mean that one cuts one's self off with the old. I've definitely been guilty of, in some ways, disconnecting from my old life in NJ upon moving to out here to Cali. It certainly hasn't been easy transitioning into a totally new environment: a) in CA away from all of my comfort zones and b) moving here to Marshall Creek in the middle of the Redwoods near the Santa Cruz Mountains nearly an hour and a half south of San Fran. Trying to grapple with the transitions of moving, a tight schedule, managing all of my accountabilities, and most of all with networking breakdown after breakdown. It's been a hard transition to make not only being grounded in a new place, but also following my internal call of engaging in a community which stands for global unity and the upliftment of consciousness. One of the biggest reasons for this long transition was all the traveling I was doing up until about a week ago....I feel like I'm finally getting settled. Not only did this turbulence affect me, but also many of my most cherished friendships. It's true, if something matters enough to you you'll make time for it - I guess what's mattered most to me these past near two months has been getting grounded, in myself and in a clear sense of purpose. This week having been the longest I've actually been at my new place (about a week and a half now), has been the longest I've been here and I find myself still struggling to manage it all, f/t classes, f/t work, 2 internet businesses, and YJA ....
I guess for me, last night marked the time of letting go of all the "stuff" from this past period of transitioning and getting back to basics. An event like this is certainly not necessary for that, but it was nice to relate to the event in that way. From a little after 9p till about 10:30p, we (the 5 of us who're permanently living here - Steve, April, Gillian, Maja, and me - and 2 other folks who came), walked up and down the Creek being in our own space - whether it was drumming, humming, or just being still and acknowledging the moment - we enjoyed the last cold crisp evening of winter. Then from 10:45 until a little after midnight, we sat in circle in the healing center and simply gave thanks, gave thanks for what this past winter brought.
It's interesting in Hindu mythology, Shiva is the god of dissolution. While some believe that Shiva is the god of destruction on a basic level, on a more metaphorical level, he is the god of dissolution signifying the process of things coming to a close in order to create space for a new beginning. The latter is contingent upon the former.
So we spent those initial moments while sitting, bringing winter to a close until the countdown - until about 10:57p when the tides officially turned - Spring was now here. We sat, gave thanks and just celebrated. In the normal humdrum of the "doings" of life, of running around doing this and doing that, it was really nice to take the time to simply be grateful, appreciative of who we are, of each other, of the forces that brought us all together there through some cosmic collaboration and to give thanks for the pple in our lives - especially those I haven't been able to connect with in a long time but still being present to them, to who they really are, to what they're about, and to how much they mean to me.
Being together in a space of partnership and building community, and simply connecting inside of the shared commitment to have this place be a place where people can come, experience, share, be understood, and then contribute - be it take what new opennings they now have and make a difference for the people in there lives, or make a difference in their physical environments, or to support community building efforts at Marshall Creek.
I'm am truly blessed to have finally resonated with an arena to practice community building and to prepare for what's to come. ...
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Vulnerability as power
2 mos. till I go out to San Fran. I'm excited, I'm in anticipation....and I'm sad at the same time. For the past 2 mos., I've been focused on putting everything in motion needed to ensure that my move out there is a smooth one, finances, family, friends. But there was one thing that I hadn't fully let myself be with until just a few days ago .... and that's how much I'm going to miss you New Jersey. How much I'm going to miss all my friends, all my family, all the scores of people who have touched my life and who's lives I've touched. I know, sometimes it's hard being the sentimental dork that I am, but I can't help it....
These past 2 mos., however, rather than letting myself just be with the emotions that having been coming up and sharing them, I've been kicking it into Superman mode, more engrossed in doing, doing, doing as a way to not deal with the emotionality of leaving ... Here's how it's gone in the past, I make friends, form bonds, then I move, I call, I call, people call, I call, I call, people call, I stop calling, people stop calling and whoof, they're all gone and I'm left having to start all over again .... I was about to let it happen again.
Well, by not about to let it happen again, I was fueling the fire of it happening. The very experience of being withdrawn, isolated, and not in communication was happening by me not being authentic about what was really there...and, not to mention, the experience I was leaving others with.
I was on a conf. call with my fellow introduction leaders last Sat. and I couldn't help but let it all out .... through the tears, I expressed how much I'm going to miss it all and how big the hole in my heart really feels...i cried, they listened. I released it all. "Thank you" for getting us present to your world Parth, and you get it doesn't have to be this way ... use this as an opportunity to get your conversation of abandonment complete....use this as an opportunity to free yourself up, restore your power, and choose how you want to be about this.....
Tears stopped. "Thank you for letting us in. For letting us into your experience."
"Thank you"
Having expressed all that, I feel as though this weight has been lifted and I'm back to being me...back to being the connected, related, engaged Parth I and others know me to be .... thank you. I have gotten more done in the past 5 days, than I have in the past 2 wks....
Sometimes the hardest conversations to have are the ones needed to have, and it's surprising how gentle they can be. No matter what they say ... people are kind and caring creatures who want nothing but to love and be loved in return. How long will be go before we all get that??
These past 2 mos., however, rather than letting myself just be with the emotions that having been coming up and sharing them, I've been kicking it into Superman mode, more engrossed in doing, doing, doing as a way to not deal with the emotionality of leaving ... Here's how it's gone in the past, I make friends, form bonds, then I move, I call, I call, people call, I call, I call, people call, I stop calling, people stop calling and whoof, they're all gone and I'm left having to start all over again .... I was about to let it happen again.
Well, by not about to let it happen again, I was fueling the fire of it happening. The very experience of being withdrawn, isolated, and not in communication was happening by me not being authentic about what was really there...and, not to mention, the experience I was leaving others with.
I was on a conf. call with my fellow introduction leaders last Sat. and I couldn't help but let it all out .... through the tears, I expressed how much I'm going to miss it all and how big the hole in my heart really feels...i cried, they listened. I released it all. "Thank you" for getting us present to your world Parth, and you get it doesn't have to be this way ... use this as an opportunity to get your conversation of abandonment complete....use this as an opportunity to free yourself up, restore your power, and choose how you want to be about this.....
Tears stopped. "Thank you for letting us in. For letting us into your experience."
"Thank you"
Having expressed all that, I feel as though this weight has been lifted and I'm back to being me...back to being the connected, related, engaged Parth I and others know me to be .... thank you. I have gotten more done in the past 5 days, than I have in the past 2 wks....
Sometimes the hardest conversations to have are the ones needed to have, and it's surprising how gentle they can be. No matter what they say ... people are kind and caring creatures who want nothing but to love and be loved in return. How long will be go before we all get that??
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