Gratitude in stillness

So as I sit here, laying in bed, at the foot of which is Annie, all sprawled out dreaming in her little cat world, I find myself reflecting.....Reflecting on the past few days since our Spring Equinox event...reflecting on the conversations that have unfolded with April, Maja, and present to my own internal dialogue.

Thinking about what is my life really about? "Play a game that's worthy of your life," said a coach once. "Play until you have you nothing left, go out swinging, be authentic, and if you make a mess, clean it up, and ultimately realize that in the end, it doesn't really mean anything. People play games because of the "play", because the outcome was worth going through the process for. Ultimately, it doesn't mean anything. And it doesn't mean anything that it doesn't mean anything. You play that game because you wanted to and it was the expression of your 'self'".

That game, of course, can be metaphorically extended outside the conventional football, basketball, or rugby to the purpose of one's life. It really hit me the other day the reality of things. That after I die, people will shed a few tears, kick dirt on the body they knew of as Parth or let the pyre burn that body, and probably part and get on with their lives. Ultimately, what does "Parth" really mean? While one some level, people will remember me as the personality that I was, more so it will be what I made my life be about. As with each of us, that will be what will live long past we're physically gone. It will be the love we brought, the ways in which we contributed to another, the ways we fought through those battles within ourselves for something that we believed in, the way we listened to someone in those moments that no one else would. It won't be what we achieved, but we fought through to achieve it, and the way in which we gave it away.

It's interesting, while we're all here at Marshall Creek Center, working ... working on ourselves - finding that balance and creating space for the deep, repressed stuff to come out, undergoing major tiny shifts - working on the extension of that through the creation of this community, centered around creating a space for others to come to place where they can engage in the conversations they may not get anywhere else. We all realize, that while we're working through the process of building this - the process of financing such a place in the middle of the Santa Cruz Mountains, of working on the physical construction of various parts, taking ownership of areas that call to us - be it a community clean up, hosting unique events and workshops, facilitating women's and men's circles, the list goes on.....that ultimately, we're all stewards of an intention that has lived long before us, that is carried forth by many today, and that will live long after us...

The intention of service to humanity, standing for people to get they there whole and complete; that they have everything they need to have anything they want and that there may simply be internal barriers in the way of one achieving that. That each being is beautiful and divine full of strength, power, and ability beyond cognition. The intention to empower (to remind of the power within - em- being synonymous with en- (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=en-). Why would we do such a thing? I suppose each of us has our own reasons for why we would engage in such a process. For me it's because there's no other game I'd rather play. I guess when you realize how rich and fulfilling life can be, why not do everything to share that with others - or more so, since that's possible for everyone, why not stand in reminding folks what's really possible?

I was talking with Maja this afternoon and she was telling how unconventional it was for someone like me to be living in the woods, being committed both feet in, to be willing to be in the creation of this community, as well as standing for what's possible in the Jain community through YJA ... in that moment, I was present to all of my teachers, my dad for opening the doors to me about the dimensions that exist in non-ordinary reality, my mom who's taught me value of love and laughter, to those who taught me about roots - Mahendra Uncle, Vandana Auntie, and countless other teachers , to my friends - Janet, Vinit, Shibz, Priti, Sheetal, Ruchik (ah, the limitations of language, here succession doesn't mean order of importance)...the list goes on, to my coaches - Ken, Maureen, Shawn, countless others, and to those who affect my life everyday- Maja, Annie, April, Steve, Gillian and others. and those who continue to teach me every day, making to present to the fact that in the end, I don't really matter, I'm merely a tool for an intention that I can choose to own. Thank you.

I am so incredibly blessed.